VS - Round one Critiques pt1

RAYOSON
Unknown-Variable's Critique
Creativity: 19/25
Plot: 22/50
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 4/10
Effort: 8/15
-10 points for disrespect.
Total: 43
One of the main thing you need to do is proofread. Have others proofread it for you, if need be. There are a lot of grammatical mistakes and a lot of syntactical errors. There were many places where I had to read and then reread a sentence (or more) to understand what was being said, which really took away from the flow of your story. There were other places, as well, where that simple typo altered the whole meaning of your sentence and I literally did a double take before reading over it again. Other places had tense changes, though it happened rarely, and at times it was difficult to discern who was thinking and what was just description from your 3rd person omnipresent point of view. All that could have been fixed with a couple proofreads by yourself or a friend. On the other hand, you did have some nice similes and metaphors and I liked the descriptions that you gave throughout the story.

Another thing that needs a bit of work is your characterization of Rayn.  I have no idea why he is there, or what he's fighting for, or what type of person he is. It was mainly fight with no plot or thought from him. On that note, however, I did like what you did with parts of the fight. The creativity with manipulating the forest and the underwater current was a new take on guerrilla warfare as well as the honorable fight at the end with a battle between Rayn's and Alice's spirit. I also liked the fact that they were fighting on a turtle, but the reveal of the fact was a bit anticlimactic and fell flat.

There were points taken off for disrespect (one point for each comment that I found to be disrespectful), as you can see. As I said in the rules journal, I will not tolerate disrespect and there are consequences for it. There were many instances that I observed where you commented, whether on Dusty's round itself or Alice's ref, and what you were saying came off as brash, rude, and just plain insulting. I feel that it is not your place as an opponent - and an equal in this tournament community - to bash into the character as you did. While you may disagree with something your opponent does, or dislike some portrayal in the round, there are other, more polite ways, to go about making your opinion known. And I realize that you said, at certain times, that you were just trying to be silly or playful. However, I also feel that the comments made far passed what could be taken as "silly and playful."

Ed-the-fourth's Critique
Creativity: 18/25
The world on which they fought was well described and the fact that they were actually fighting on top of a turtle was rather creative in my opinion. I like how it wasn't just a plain world and it was a nice little twist. However, I think the reveal of this fact was rather flat and anti-climatic, so it wasn't as surprising or interesting as it could have been. Rayn is also a creative character altogether, so I thought your use of his abilities were creative alone.
Plot: 20/50
Your round fell flat here, for me. I feel like I know nothing about Rayn and his intentions or story. He's an interesting character, but he comes off as uninteresting due to the lack of plot, foreshadowing and internal thoughts. I don't think I even know much about his thought process or personality, but that may be due to confusion because of the way it was written. I think the fight was very well done, and you used both characters' abilities well, though I did notice there were a few things about Alice that were slightly out of character. Despite that, it didn't take much away from the fight between them. I'm also not entirely certain what the point of the meteor at the end was about. It seemed to go against the plot of the OCT. The planets can be in various stages of death, even the most extreme type of death, however, the spark gem is supposed to revitalize the planet. If the reason for it has to do with Rayn's personal plot, which would have made it slightly more acceptable, there absolutely no connection between the two, making the meteor a rather pointless, and slightly confusing addition to the round.
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 3/10
You used a lot of metaphors which were creative and interesting and there was much description. However, you need a proofreader. I'd advice getting someone else to read over your rounds and help edit it. There were plenty of grammatical errors as well as problems with syntax. Some sentences made so little sense that I had to skip it and assume what was happening, others I had to reread multiple times to understand it. There were also a few instants when mistakes changed the whole sentence. A proofreader could have avoided these problems. It was also a bit difficult to determine if some things were simply description or character thoughts. I understand the PDF may have been a bit easier to read, but there were times where it didn't seem to work, or when it did, the change of colors was distracting, instead of helpful. There are ways to edit the dA literature submissions that could greatly help the appeal of your stories.
Effort: 9/15
Despite the grammar and spelling mistakes, I could tell a lot of thought went into your round and this story overall. You got it in before the original deadline, which takes a lot of effort alone. Overall, it seems like a lot of effort went into it, however I think you could have taken the time to proofread it.
-7 for minor disrespect.
The journal rules clearly state that disrespect is not tolerated in this OCT and there would be penalties for disrespectful conduct. There were more than a few times when I as well as others noticed comments on Dustymuffinsss' round, or his ref that seemed rude or even insulting. There are times when your character may have been portrayed wrongly, but your comments about them were less polite and understanding and more insulting towards the work or ideas of your opponent, particularly the comments on Alice's ref. However, you did give a mild apology for some of your comments and said they were silly and whatnot, but I still believe you overstepped your boundaries here as an equal contestant in this tournament.
Total: 43/100

Eva-Wings' Critique
*Unavailable*

Jared-hai's Critique
Plot - 15/50
First off, i really need to say, your round had some major grammatical issues, and a lack of punctuation. While i feel that you were putting in a lot of effort to try and keep your round detailed and descriptive, the problems you had with using concise and accurate grammar really detracted from the images you were trying to paint.
You can either write a smell part at a time, and have somebody edit for you and work with you to sort out the way your sentences are worded.
Or, you can edit it after the entire thing is finished, but i recommend the first option, because it's easier, if you have the time. Try and decide which descriptions are essential, and which are there just to make it flashier. It can be cumbersome sometimes when the description isn't smooth, similar to when somebody tries to fit as many words into a sentence before they need to pause for breath. Commas, colons and dashes all serve to ease the flow of the narrative.

Ultimately, the plot you try to convey, the descriptions, the details and the important parts of the story can be lost in interpretation when the reader struggles to get through your story. While i don't mean to sound harsh or overly picky, i think it's important you learn to make your words flow easier, so people can read your rounds with less difficulty.
I felt that there was a bare minimum of personality given the characters, but i didn't feel terribly eager to hear more about them. While this is a fighting OCT, there's a reason plot grants such a large portion of the overall score. Give your character's more personality, motivations, and deeper thoughts towards their circumstances. (Try comparing your round to those of other writers, and see what the differences are.)
Creative - 15/25
You went to great length to keep your round descriptive and detailed, and i had a good idea for the setting and action sequences. However, the way they were presented made it difficult to get through the plot, and the entire round in general. Make sure is there is an adequate balance of description and pace.
Visuals/Presentation - 3/10
Firstly, i'd like to comment on your PDF entry. You shouldn't depend on colour coded text. While i'm not comparing you to a professional, colour-coded text is something you will rarely ever see in a novel. You should avoid it - if you need to use colours to portray who is talking, then you aren't narrating to your full ability. Ultimately, your grammatical and punctuation errors are hurting your story a lot. They should be your first priority in the future.
Effort - 10/15
The round had a decent length, and while i feel you did put thought into what you did, there are still things you can pay more attention to, but i have already mentioned what they are in the plot and presentation sections.
Total - 43

DUSTYMUFFINSSS
Unknown-Variable's Critique
Creativity: 15/25
Plot: 25/50
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 7/10
Effort: 8/15
-10 for using grace period
Total: 47
First off, I'm glad you decided to use a black marker for the flash back as well as the borders. It made the sketches inside the borders more apparent, popping them out from the page more than it did with your audition. And despite the audition being sketched, it still flowed clearly, and I could tell what was happening.  It would have been nice to show a bit more background, to get a better feel of the world they were fighting in. The humor you added in with Alice's interaction's with the judges  was also a nice bit of creativity. However, there wasn't much characterization of Alice herself. The flashback in the beginning was nice, but there was little connection of that to the rest of the round and Alice herself.
There was also not as much interaction with the world. I liked the surprise of the fire under them, but there was little else done with the world. Especially due to the fact that it ended with Alice just crushing the spark gem. The abrupt ending also made it seem unfinished, but you technically completed the round due to Alice breaking Rayn's gem.

Ed-the-Fourth's Critique
Total: 48/100
Creativity: 14/25
A lot of your creativity points came from the humor you added to the round, particularly during Drakonius speech at the beginning and other little comments throughout the round. The world, at first, seemed like it was going to play an important role in your round, but the lack of backgrounds and use of the planet made the buildup fall flat. I also enjoyed your use of Rayn's abilities. I think you used a variety of interesting attacks and weapons from your opponent, and Alice's own abilities were shown as well. However, there were some mistakes with Rayn's character, such as giving him the ability to create weapons out of thin air, instead of having them grow from his body. But despite that error, I think you were creative with your opponent's character.
Plot: 25/50
The flashback at the beginning of your round told us more about Alice and her past and personal story. It gave a better idea of where she came from and what she's like. I'm not sure if you're going to do more with the being to spoke to her during the flashback, but I'm rather interested to find out who it is and if it has anything to do with what might be coming next for Alice. Despite the good mount of plot found in the flashback, there wasn't much of a connection between it and the rest of the round, which I thought limited the characterization of Alice. I think you could have done more to tell us about the character and her intentions for being in the tournament. I think you could have done a little more with fight, however it was evenly matched and balanced. Each character landed good hits on eachother and overall, it was a good fight with plenty of action. I wish you had done more with the world. I think you were foreshadowing what was to be there with Drak's comment, but the reveal of the planet was rather anti-climatic. The end did seem abrupt, but since Alice had broken Rayn's gem, it makes the round complete by our standards.
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 7/10
Your round was a lot cleaner than your audition and that alone was a good improvement. Despite your comic being done in only pencil, your lines and panels were very clean and neat, and didn't come off as sketchy even once. I particularly like how you used a black marker between the panels during the flashback and on the panels themselves. It made the action and drawings within the panels stand out more and it was overall visually appealing for minimal traditional art. (That's not an insult xD, I mean you only used pencils and it looked great.) The backgrounds were rather bland though, particularly near the end of the round, to the point where they seemed to be fighting in black space instead of some solid surface. I think I would have liked to see more there.
Effort: 12/15
Unfortunately, it was obvious the last few pages of your round was rushed, especially comparing them to the first few pages. However, overall I think a lot of thought was put into the round, and your art was (for the most part) clean and appealing.
-10 for using grace period

Eva-Wings' Critique
Creativity:17 /25
Plot: 35/50
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 8/10
Effort:12 /15
-10 for grace period
Total:62
1STW
Unknown-Variable's Critique
Creativity: 21/25
Plot: 40/50
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 9/10
Effort: 11/15
Total: 81
Well, Pollis is a tricky one, isn't he? There was a lot of character development for him in this round. I wasn't expecting all that trickery from him. And you also delved into Edoc's character as well, bringing up not only his past, but things that happened in his audition that had an effect on Pollis. The world also played a part in the fight and it was nice to see Pollis take advantage of the terrain weaknesses to gain the upper hand. Not to mention the bread from the Rest House that he used to hide his gem. The comic flows very well and it was easy to follow the story as well as the character's motions in the fight. Only thing I would have liked to see more of was a bit of color, or maybe some toning. But it didn't take away from the story you told all that much.

Ed-the-fourth's Critique
Total: 82/100
Creativity: 22/25
I really liked your world. You gave it an interesting "illness" of sorts, which was solved logically when the spark gem was broken. More so, I love how you used it in the fight. It proved as more than just a background. Pollis previous knowledge of the world and using it to win was not only creative, but it also showed a bit more of your character. (Which I will expand on in the "Plot" area.) You also used it to effectively show each of the characters abilities. There were a ton of little things you added to your round that I thought were unique. Little things like the reason for the bread, Pollis' abilities, and the use of other characters like the judges all played into the creativity of your round
Plot: 40/50
Talk about a ton of character development. At first, I'll admit that I found Pollis to be just a little bland and was hoping your round would show him and his personality a little more. It most certainly did. His use of the info he got on the planet and even something as simple as bread showed that he is trickier than I thought he would be. Your dialogue between the characters, particularly between Pollis and Drakonius offer a lot of foreshadowing and character development. It makes wonder what his intentions are... or will be in the future. Not only that, but you explored Edoc's character as well, bringing up his past and reasons for being in the tournament. His plans for saving his world, as well as other conversations between the two seemed to change Pollis view on the whole tournament. The fight was awesome. Very balanced and suspenseful. There never seemed to be a clear winner during the entire scuffle and you effectively showed of both of their strengths and weaknesses. Great job overall.
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 8/10
Your lines were perfect and there was tons of background and details. Your art was over very clean, making it very easy to understand what exactly is going on in each of your panels. While your round was overall visually appealing, I think even a few pops of colour or maybe some shadowing or toning could have make your comic look even better. It seemed a bit flat sometimes, lacking a bit of depth in a few panels. Regardless, it still looked very good.
Effort: 12/15
Your comic flowed very well, and looked great. I think you could have used some time to add a bit of color or shading to add to the depth and appeal of your comic, but overall it was well done.

Eva-Wings' Critique
Creativity:22 /25
Plot:45 /50
Visual Appeal/Presentation:8 /10
Effort: 15/15
Total:90

METALCOFFECUP
Unknown-Variable's Critique
Creativity: 16/25
Plot: 25/50
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 10/10
Effort: 15/15
Total: 66
I have to say one of the main things I like about your comics and style is the way you ink and shade. You control depth and texture very well with your given medium. However, the story itself lacked a lot of depth. There wasn't much done with Edoc or Pollis as characters. Though the fight flowed very well and I enjoyed their scuffle and the way Edoc broke Pollis's gem was different, it ended a bit too abruptly. I felt like there was unresolved conflict between the characters. Along with exploring the characters, there was more you could have done with the world itself. It was just a backdrop for their fight, and there were many ways to use it to help spice up the conflict.

Ed-the-fourth's Critique
Total: 69/100
Creativity: 17/25
I love the running gag of the shoe. It's a humorous little addition to your round and I always want to know if Raymond's ever gonna get his shoe back. The world you had the round take place on was a little bit bland, in my opinion, but you used it well as a background. It's revival at the end was very fitting, and I like that the breaking of the gem actually brought plenty of life back to it, contrasting against how dead it was previously. Overall, I think you could have done more, but you effectively used what you did create.
Plot: 28/50
The fight was definitely a strong point in your round. The characters were evenly matched and you used both their abilities effectively. Pollis got a good few hits in there and I liked how it seemed like he would have won near the end. Edoc's way of destroying Pollis' gem was a little different, and worked well considering its placement. Overall, the fight between the two was very balanced and showed off Edoc's skills as a fighter very well. But other than that, there wasn't much plot. Edoc is an interesting character, and I think you could have developed him more, through dialogue between him and his partner or even with Pollis. There wasn't much foreshadowing or personal plot behind him, making the overall characterization of him fall flat. Another thing was the use of the world. There wasn't much history for it and it didn't play any part in your round except as a background. The comic seemed to end suddenly as well, making the whole thing a bit anti-climatic. But overall, it was decent and the fight was excellent.
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 9/10
I adore the look of your comic. Your use of inking and shading is exceptional and I know takes a lot of time to do. There was plenty of depth in your panels as well as things like texture which can be difficult to achieve with traditional art. Even when you weren't able to continue in that style, you still shaded and added depth to the comic to make it less flat. Even though you handwrote the dialogue, it was easy to read and differentiate between thoughts and spoken work. I think you could have added more background in some of the panels to up the look of the fight. Overall, amazing job in this aspect of your round. It looked great.
Effort: 15/15
It flows well, looks great. You got it in before the deadline, and it looks as if plenty of time had gone into the art. Overall, the round looks as if much effort had gone into it, even if you were low on time.

Eva-Wings' Critique
Creativity:12 /25
Plot: 20/50
Visual Appeal/Presentation:7 /10
Effort: 13/15
Total:52

GREY-WALKER
Unknown-Variable's Critique
Creativity: 23/25
Plot: 30/50
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 8/10
Effort: 11/15
Total: 72
Your writing is done very well. You paint an excellent picture of the world and what goes on in it. There were a few typos, but not too many, and they didn't really take away from the story all that much. One of the things I really liked in your round was the interactions between Corruption and Somewhere before they started fighting and their continuous struggle during the round. It was rather lacking in a fight of Corruption vs Somewhere, but the scuffle with the skelebats as well as the tension in the dying world gave enough stress between the character that made up for it, in my opinion.
Another thing I  liked was the world. You established a very creative and a very defined place, in which both characters interacted with LOTS. Throughout the entry, I had a very good idea on the world and its part in driving the action between Corruption and Somewhere. One of the things that seems rather rushed is the sudden take over of the disease. It suddenly picks up the pace of the death of the world, which seemed rather slow from what you established. Other than the sudden, exponential increase towards the world's death and those few typos, your round was very well done.

Ed-the-fourth's Critique
Total: 87/100
Creativity: 23/25
The descriptive words you used and your way of explaining the things around the characters helped paint a vivid visual picture of the dying world and the rest house. This round was a perfect example of showing us the story instead of telling us. You gave the world a history, plot-relevant inhabitants and made it more than just a setting for conflict, which I found to be extremely creative. Your incorporation of the world into the plot helped you in both the creative aspect and plot aspect of your round and it was the kind of thing I wanted to see in this tournament. The sudden chaos and death of the planet seemed to happen a little too quickly for me and sort of took away from the round, however the way you revealed its revival was incredibly well done. I actually FELT relieved for the characters, comforted and excited that the world was brought back to life and everyone found peace (which was also a good contrast against the development of Somewhere and Corruption, whether that was intended or not, I dunno).
Plot: 42/50
Your round had it all. There was much character development, for both your own character and your opponets. There was foreshadowing and development of your character's own personal plot. I overwhemingly enjoyed the use you made of the world they conflicted in, rendering it more than just a setting. The little sub plots and side characters you introduced only helped build your plot, change the characters and gave us a story that was a little less linear. Corruption's interactions in the rest house explored his feelings and thoughts, characterizing him really well, and giving us a lot of info about his personality and intentions. You mentioned what happened between Corruption and the skelebats would be revealed in due time, and I really enjoyed that good bit of foreshadowing I like how throughout the entire round, they were building a trust and friendship with eachother, the rest house and the dying world around them bringing them together and making them comrads instead of enemies. But, in the end, using the little girl as a device, you played on Somewhere's personality and desires for being in tournament, suddenly, but effectively severing the bonds created between them. The only things that took away from this was the lack true conflict between the characters, and the sudden, chaotic death for the planet, that seemed at first to be suffering a slow end. Adding a little more scuffle to the fight between the two at the beginning of round, instead of just a chase and slowing the sudden change of the planet might have helped, but overall, I think your round, plot-wise, was perfect.
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 8/10
Your round was very, very well written. You use of descriptive words, variation of syntax and great grammar made the story flow smoothly and succeed in keeping reader interest. It was long, and written so well, making it easy and enjoyable to go though. Quantity and quality! 8D There were however, some spelling mistakes and typos that could have been fixed with a quick proofread. Despite how noticeable those mistakes were, they didn't distrupt to terribly from the flow of the words or the story, making it an obvious, but minor error.
Effort: 14/15
Your round was very well done, in my opinion and it's blatently obvious that a lot of thought had gone into it. I think you could have quickly gone over it and maybe catch a few of those typos, but overall, it was excellent.

Eva-Wings' Critique
*Unavailable*

Jared-hai's Critique
Plot - 40
I feel there was a lot of good characterisation, dialogue, and a fair amount of character development as well. You have excellent descriptive abilities, and are able with your punctuation and grammar. I really think you excelled on a lot of different storytelling parts. I think the only weakness is that it didn't truly pull me out of my seat, although overall it was still a strong round. I recommend spending a lot of time conjuring a truly exciting plot. I think that'll be easier as you get through the rounds and you have something to build on, however. If you carry on, of course.
Creativity - 20/25
I think the world had a pretty cool concept, and the fact that you gave it a bit of a back story worked well too. And although it wasn't super crazy or special, it was still a believable and pretty unique world. Again, though, there is still room for improvement. The ideas you use don't feel as original as they could have been, and there weren't too many things that made me thing "WOW THAT'S DIFFERENT!". Although, i did get a bit of that from the dragon-spider. Yeah, push your ideas further and further!
Presentation -9/10
There's not much i can really say. Your grammar. spelling and page layout were all great. However, if there's one thing that niggles me, is a break between lines of dialogue. It makes it feel too sparse, and doesn't keep attention as well as it could.
Effort - 15/15
Again, there's not much i can say here. I really do think you put a ton of effort into this, good job.
Total:  84/100

NAVARAG
Unknown-Variable's Critique
Creativity: 15/25
Plot: 28/50
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 9/10
Effort: 14/15
Total: 66
The introduction with the Nowhere dimension was a nice look into Somewhere's past, and character. It's showing us a bit more about the little guy, revealing that he's more than the happy derp that he seemed to be in your audition. And the development continued through the fight with the internal conflict Somewhere had when fighting as well as the external one with Corruption, as well as the realization of the selfish actions he is taking when the fight ended.
However, during the fight, there was little interaction in the world around them. Personally, I would have liked to see one of them use the environment in one way or another to their advantage. The thing that spiced it up from just Corruption throwing rocks at Somewhere was the conflict between the two due to being friends from the Rest House. It seemed that both had trouble coming to terms with fighting each other, which lead to some tension between the characters. Overall, you did a good job keeping up the visual appeal in the comic as well as keeping the characters in character and revealing more to us on Somewhere, and your round was a funny and good read.

Ed-the-fourth's Critique
Total: 70/100
Creativity: 14/25
I'm afraid your round fell flat in the creative aspect, in my opinion. You didn't give much explanation about the planet and it didn't do much for the round. It was simply a background for the characters to fight on, and even then, it was rather bland. The revival of the worlds wasn't too spectacular either. While there could be little change to the planet after the destruction of the gem, the presentation of that was rather nonchalant, making the revival of the planet seem unimportant. Since the world had no story or history, nor was it used in the fight, it ended up making the whole setting of the round a little less exciting.
Plot: 34/50
The first page of your round was an excellent piece, providing a lot of information about Somewhere and offering much character development. It let us know that Somewhere isn't just the happy-go-lucky, kind being that most people think he is. We learn that there's more to him, and that he actually does have a bit of a sad story. It also offered a lot of foreshadowing, hinting towards why he decided to join the tournament and perhaps giving insight on what will happen next. The fight was also very well done, seeing as the conflict wasn't just about breaking the spark gem. There was also the friendship between the two that made the fight more than just meet and beat up~ There was character development here as well, showing that Somewhere was indeed kind, but he is also willing to give into his selfish side, despite feeling guilty afterward. His thoughts about Millie during the fight also perfectly connected the introduction to the rest of the round. Overall, there was plenty of plot and character development, and the fight was very well done.
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 8/10
The first page was really lovely. The bright, rainbow-y colors contrasted really nicely with dark greys and blacks of the background. It was overall a very nice page. Now, that doesn't mean the rest of your pages sucked compared to it. xD They were all well done. Having no color didn't take away from the pages and you gave a lot of shading and highlighting, adding to the appeal of this round. The only thing that took away from the appeal was the backgrounds during the fight. Sometimes there were trees or something, but it was often repetitive, when there were trees, or bland, when there was nothing except light grey sky and dark grey ground. Overall though, your comic looked very nice.
Effort: 15/15
Despite the backgrounds, your round looked great, flowed well and was a good read altogether. Not to mention, you managed to get it in before the original deadline, which we all know takes a ton of effort. Overall, it looks like a lot of time and effort had gone into the round and it was a job well done.

Eva-Wings' Critique
Creativity: 15/25
Plot:40 /50
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 7/10
Effort: 13/15
Total:75

KALAIDESCOPIC
*Unavailable*

MIDORIWEREWOLF19
Unknown-Variable's Critique
Creativity: 15/25
Plot: 20/50
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 8/10
Effort: 13/15
Total: 56
Thankyouformakingyourpagesbigger. *cough* anyway... The bigger pages look a lot better than your audition's. Much easier to read. I also like how you added in the backgrounds to the graveyard to help establish the world they were fighting in. However, there wasn't much done with the world itself. It was more of a backdrop for the actual fight and I would have liked the terrain to play a bigger role in their scuffle. I did, however, like the underdog win Hollow pulled. You made good use of her powers and naivety through the fight. Vriit also seemed to be rather in character, from what I gleaned from the audition. I also would have liked to see a bit more of Hollow herself. She seems to be an interesting character, but I don't know much about her from the round. In summary, good job on the flow and organization of your pages (and the little spritz of color were a nice add on) but seeing more Hollow and more creativity with the world would help you out in the end as well. (:

Ed-the-fourth's Critique
Total: 57/100
Creativity: 16/25
I like how you made the world a graveyard. It was a nice bit of juxaposition, having them save a world that seemed to be all about death. That made the world rather creative, in my view. I also like how you added some background to the world, giving us more of an idea of what it was like. However, background was all that it was. There wasn't much use of the world during the conflict between the two, and I think there were a few good oppertunities (like when Hollow was passed out) you could have used to further establish the world. The revival of it was also kind of anti-climatic, but overall I thought it was an interesting setting.
Plot: 20/50
I think the fight between Vriit and Hollow was well done. You showed off Hollow's abilites quite well and also explored some of the weapons Vriit uses. Even though it happened rather quickly, I particularly like how Hollow managed to defeat her opponent, the way you did it adding suspense and showing that she isn't exactly the most strong, but still capable of winning the fight. There was also a good bit of character development. I like how you showed more of Hollow's personality when they were choosing the world and meeting up at the beginning, and I really like how you had her shoot herself, adding a little bit of humor to the round as well as showing off just how naive Hollow is. However, there isn't much personal plot. I don't really know much about Hollow or her intentions, or her past. She seems to be an interesting character, but she comes off as a bit bland because of the lack of personal plot. It also seems like you had more planned that could have helped in the plot aspect, because the ending seemed rushed. Overall, though, I think you did a great job.
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 8/10
Firstly, I'm glad you made the pages bigger. I had a hard time reading parts of your audition because of the small text and pictures, so having larger images greatly improved the presentation of the comic. I liked that you used a little bit of color every now and them, emphasizing certain things and your lineart was clean and neat. I would have added a bit of shading to maybe give the look of the pictures more depth, and I think you could have added more backgrounds in the panels. The blank white backgrounds of some of the panels made the comic seem bland and unfinished, but all in all, it was visually appealing.
Effort: 13/15
The comic looks great and flows great. The ending was a bit rushed and I think you could have added more to the backgrounds to further establish the setting they were in. But, it seems like effort and time had gone into the round and you managed to finish before the first deadline. Awesome job~

Eva-Wings' Critique
*Unavailable*

Jared-hai's Critique
Plot - 20/50
I'm not entirely sure what happened, but i think i have a rough understanding of what you're trying to do. Unfortunately, i feel like it was missing some important aspects. It was a simple fight scene, and lacked much character development, or storyline. A common mistake for OCT goers is just to provide fight scenes from round to round. I know it's only round one, but try setting up some sort of underlining story. Give your character motivations, reasons for doing what they do, and make them feel more realistic by giving them human reactions to what happens. I understand she is a little zany, but making it possible to relate to your character's experiences goes a long way.
Additionally, i see that you were trying to break the standard idea of winning traditionally in a battle, but at this point, it's good to prove you can work within the rules before actually flipping them upside down successfully. The story settles better if you actually have your own OC clearly winning, unless you can make their loss bring about some really cool plot development.
Take less risks if you're new to OCTs, and look for what works in a story, and then you can beginning changing it around and making it more unique.
Creativity - 5/25
It felt a little generic. Add some unique flavour the setting, give the story something that makes it worth telling other than it being your average fight scene.
Presentation - 6/10
The comic was pretty clean, and it made things easy to distinguish what was going on. However, your type-setting could use improvement. Using all capitals in a speech bubble gives the impression the characters are shouting constantly. Use normal grammar, it'll improve your dialogue a lot. Also, upload your pages at a bigger size!
Effort - 8/15
I don't believe your round lacks effort, as you didn't give the impression that you had cut any corners. All i suggest is you put more thought into what you think works for the comic. Compare your round to other comic entries, and try and see what you might be missing, or what you can improve.
Total - 39

TOTALOBELISK
Unknown-Variable's Critique
Creativity: 20/25
Plot: 40/50
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 10/10
Effort: 15/15
Total: 85
Your round flows superbly and it's easy to read and follow from panel to panel. Your flashback in the beginning actually plays a part in the fight and later in the round, helping define Winter more and explain why she is here. The fight itself was was evenly matched between OCs and the dialog between fighters as it took place not only helped drive the fight but gave the readers good insight to both characters' minds and perspective on things. Another good thing was the interactions between Winter and the world, shown through her disadvantages in the fight and with summoning her ice powers. There's.... not much negative I can say about your round. >3>

Ed-the-fourth's Critique
Total: 86/100
Creativity: 19/25
First of all, I really like how you put your round together into one simple flash, and I like how your added a little bonus page at the end (That may or may not be plot, related? I dunnooooo?). I also like the world you created, and how it interfered with Winter's powers and made it a little more difficult for her to fight. There were also a few references you added and song lyrics at the end that futher enhanced your round. I was hoping to see more of the planet after the destruction of the gem, but despire that, I think overall, a good amount of creativity went into it.
Plot: 42/50
There was a toooon. The flashback at the beginning helped to explain Winter's story a little more and offered a ton of character development. It was nice to see that Winter isn't always a cold or stoic as one might think she is. You learned a lot about her from those first few pages and you connected the flashback to later events in the round, having it play a part that was more than just a memory. I also like how you introduced, briefly, other characters, something that further contributed to Winter's personal plot. The fight between Winter and your opponent was also evenly matched, incorporating both their abilities in a way that was well done, also adding interesting and well-written dialog that gave us better ideas about both Winter's and Charles' thoughts, intentions and perspectives. There was little, but well placed humor in the round that only complimented the serious attitude of Winter. I don't know if you are going to do more with the last page and the foreshadowing that may or may not be there, but regardless, it has kept my interest and left me wanting to see more from you.
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 10/10
....Yuh. I have nothing bad to say about this. Just... Just keep doing what you do when it comes to the visuals of your comic. =3=b
Effort: 15/15
Your round looks great. It flows great. There's plenty of plot. It's well coloured, shaded. The dialogue was well-written. Overall, it looks like a ton of effort and time went into this round and there isn't much negative things I can say about it.

Eva-Wings' Critique
Creativity:15 /25
Plot:30/50
Visual Appeal/Presentation:9 /10
Effort: 13/15
Total: 67/100

SLOTMECHANIC
Unknown-Variable's Critique
Creativity: 17/25
Plot: 27/50
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 6/10
Effort: 13/15
Total: 63
The comic flows well, much better than the audition did. Good improvement there! ^^ One of the main things that I disliked, however, was using full panels for nothing but speech bubbles. It takes away from the visual appeal of seeing a person speak or watching their action. If you can't think of something to put, maybe try drawing scenery, or the characters from a different POV. There were instances of suspense where it was only text, and I feel like the text just took away from it.  
I also liked what you did with the world in the end with how the color returned. But there wasn't much done with the world itself. It was just a backdrop for the characters to fight in. But the fight itself was entertaining and evenly matched. I was rather found of the interactions between Charles and Jykell, especially at the beginning when he tells her to hide. xD I dunno, I just feel like Charles was trying to protect her. Overall, it was a good read. Just work on the paneling and balance out the use of speech and pictures.

Ed-the-fourth's Critique
Total: 60/100
Creativity: 15/25
I liked the set up of your world. The fact that the lack of color and proportions was "symptoms" of it's death was creative, and rather well fitted for a planet that was reached through a painting. The last few panels and the revival of the world was the perfect ending, and you did it beautifully, its revival really contrasting nicely with it's previous condition. There wasn't much use of the world though. It served as nothing but a background for the fight, and even then, there wasn't much background on some of the pages. I think if it was used more during their fight, and shown more through backgrounds, it would have added a nice bit of creativity to the round, sparked a little more interest, and added a little more visual appeal.
Plot: 25/50
I think there was a good bit of character development in this comic, especially on the first page during the conversation between Charles and Jekyll. It lets us know a little bit more about the characters' personalities, as well as hinted, only slightly, towards Charles' thoughts and ideas. However, there wasn't much personal plot development after that. I would have liked to see more of Charles and his intentions for being in the tournament and maybe learn more about his past. Charles, being a boogyman of sorts, is a very intriguing character, but the lack of personal plot, development and foreshadowing ended up making him less interesting than he really is. Flashbacks or more internal thought from him would have effectively provided more characterization and plot. The fight between Winter and Charles, however was very well done. It was evenly matched and you effectively showed off each of the character's abilites. I found that Winter seemed just a bit out of character, less confident than she seems to be (though, I didn't take that into account since there was no mention of it from your opponent in the comments and I wasn't entirely sure if she was) but other than that, I think you accurately protrayed the character. Overall, the fight was very well done, but the plot and character development needed some work. (I did like that they had matching shoulder wounds though.. I thought that was cute. xD)
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 6/10
One thing I disliked about your audition was the disorganization of the panels. Your comic for round one flowed smoothly and the panels were much better organized. I never had to go back and figure out which panel to read next and that alone was a great improvement. The grey world contrasted well with the colored characters, and the last few panels of your round was just gorgeous. However there were some things that took away greatly from the appeal. First, it was the lack of backgrounds in some of the panels. Having just a blank, grey wall behind the characters made the world seem a bit boring and took away from some of the appeal. Another thing was the all-text panels. While it could add to the suspense sometimes, most of the times it just took away from the action. It would have been more beneficial to perhaps show the characters at a different view, or even put some background to show off the world some more. The last thing   actually took me a while to notice, but when I did, it was glaringly obvious. The red lines of your comic were subtle, but distracting once noticed and I think it would have been better if you took the time to cover or erase them. But overall, the comic was nicely done.
Effort: 14/15
Your round was fully colored, neat and organized. It looks like plenty of time and effort had gone into it and it was overall a nicely done comic. The only thing I would say is watch out for those redlines. (It only seemed to be on one page, so I figured you simply forgot to erase or mark over them) Other than that, great job.

Eva-Wings' Critique
Creativity:18 /25
Plot:28 /50
Visual Appeal/Presentation: 6/10
Effort:11 /15
Total:63/100